Thursday, July 19, 2007
Sports
As I was relaxing on the couch last weekend, I was flicking through channels when I noticed the rock, paper, scissors championship ON ESPN!! I sat and watched in amazement as these people talked, with a completely straight face, about how they trained for their “sport.” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a lot of crap on ESPN that has no business being on a sports network – poker, cheerleading . . . Stephen A. Smith. But of all the non-sports that have made it on ESPN, I think the rock, paper, scissors competition takes the cake.
The problem is I think people are confused as to what is a sport and what isn’t. So now I am inspired to once again bring out my two simple rules to help determine whether is something is a sport or not. Now before I even write these two rules, I will note that these rules do not solve every question of whether something is a sport or not. There are still gray areas. But I think these two simple rules can eliminate most of the non-sports.
To be a sport, an event must satisfy both of the following two rules:
1. The event must be objectively scored.
2. The scoring in said event must be achieved primarily through physical prowess and achievement, as opposed to mental acuity or other non-physical abilities.
Now, I know what you’re going to say: “Every activity that is subjectively scored is automatically not a sport?” In short, yes. Gymnastics is a sport you say? Fat chance. Do you know what the different is between gymnastics and ballet? Gymnasts are shorter. That’s it. They’re both just expressive activities of movement, yet one is called a “sport” and the other is an art. No longer I say! The same goes for ice skating. The bottom line is that if you can’t tell who the winner is from an objective score, then you weren’t watching a sport.
Of course, this does create a gray area for boxing / MMA. On the one hand, it’s objectively scored in that a knockout or submission means a victory. On the other hand, each round is scored on a 10-point-must system that takes into account subjective factors, and if there is no knockout or submission, the scorecard determines the winner. So I’ll go ahead and just make an executive declaration that combat sports are indeed sports, because they can be objectively won, and because even the “subjective” scoring of the rounds is based on such obviously objective factors (punches landed, etc.) that even a decision based on points is as close to an objective standard as possible (unless, of course, Don King is involved).
Other gray areas: darts (no, not physical enough); pool (ditto); golf (yes, because scoring is achieved more through physical ability than darts or pool); bowling (ditto, though a very close call); poker (not a chance); foxy boxing (does it matter?).
And then there are some that I just haven’t made a decision on yet, particularly horse racing and auto racing. It seems to me that, while objectively scored, these are not based so much on a person’s physical ability, but rather the ability of a horse or a car. But then again people have told me it takes a lot of stamina to drive a car and a lot of strength in the legs to race a horse. So I’ll reserve judgment on those.
There are gray areas, yes, but I think we’re off to a good start with these two rules. So ESPN, please stop airing anything that doesn’t satisfy these two rules, and instead focus on real sports . . . like hot dog eating contests.
The problem is I think people are confused as to what is a sport and what isn’t. So now I am inspired to once again bring out my two simple rules to help determine whether is something is a sport or not. Now before I even write these two rules, I will note that these rules do not solve every question of whether something is a sport or not. There are still gray areas. But I think these two simple rules can eliminate most of the non-sports.
To be a sport, an event must satisfy both of the following two rules:
1. The event must be objectively scored.
2. The scoring in said event must be achieved primarily through physical prowess and achievement, as opposed to mental acuity or other non-physical abilities.
Now, I know what you’re going to say: “Every activity that is subjectively scored is automatically not a sport?” In short, yes. Gymnastics is a sport you say? Fat chance. Do you know what the different is between gymnastics and ballet? Gymnasts are shorter. That’s it. They’re both just expressive activities of movement, yet one is called a “sport” and the other is an art. No longer I say! The same goes for ice skating. The bottom line is that if you can’t tell who the winner is from an objective score, then you weren’t watching a sport.
Of course, this does create a gray area for boxing / MMA. On the one hand, it’s objectively scored in that a knockout or submission means a victory. On the other hand, each round is scored on a 10-point-must system that takes into account subjective factors, and if there is no knockout or submission, the scorecard determines the winner. So I’ll go ahead and just make an executive declaration that combat sports are indeed sports, because they can be objectively won, and because even the “subjective” scoring of the rounds is based on such obviously objective factors (punches landed, etc.) that even a decision based on points is as close to an objective standard as possible (unless, of course, Don King is involved).
Other gray areas: darts (no, not physical enough); pool (ditto); golf (yes, because scoring is achieved more through physical ability than darts or pool); bowling (ditto, though a very close call); poker (not a chance); foxy boxing (does it matter?).
And then there are some that I just haven’t made a decision on yet, particularly horse racing and auto racing. It seems to me that, while objectively scored, these are not based so much on a person’s physical ability, but rather the ability of a horse or a car. But then again people have told me it takes a lot of stamina to drive a car and a lot of strength in the legs to race a horse. So I’ll reserve judgment on those.
There are gray areas, yes, but I think we’re off to a good start with these two rules. So ESPN, please stop airing anything that doesn’t satisfy these two rules, and instead focus on real sports . . . like hot dog eating contests.
# posted by Schmitty @ 11:15 PM 
